Unprejudice.

I had an interesting experience today. I think this is the first day that I have actually felt that we are a real family. My partner and I have only been together for a few months now even though we’ve been friends for much, much longer. Today we took our oldest son to his school’s open house and to register him for the beauty that is first grade. It was a learning experience all around.

The school that Tyler is going to is the old stomping grounds of my partner, Robin and her older brother. They went to this school their entire life. Pre-k through graduation. So of course, everyone knew her. I’m not used to knowing practically no one. And it’s still mind-boggling to me that someone can stay in one place long enough to go to the same school for their entire life! Even with everyone know Robin, I was very surprised how many of the teachers looked at Tyler like he was Robin’s biological son. I guess seeing them day in and day out, I miss all the similarities they really do have.

When Robin would turn and introduce me as her partner and Tyler’s mom, a rare few seemed shocked by the first part of that statement. They couldn’t believe I was his mother. It didn’t offend me at all. On the contrary I found it humorous. I mean, in reality, the children I carried for nine months really do look more like my partner than they do me. They all four have the same fair skin and fine, straight, blond hair. Robin and our two youngest all have the same blue eyes, where Tyler has my gray-green. I am a complete contrast from the rest of them. Dark, thick, curly hair. Smaller gray-green eyes. I am still carrying a tan from all my years living in the Florida heat.

The other thing that surprised me was everyone’s openness to our relationship. When I moved from a large, and rather open minded, big city to this small little town I was literally introduced to small town thinking with a set of flying fist. Still I refuse to hide my relationship away under a rock. Robin and I hold hands, kiss each other good-bye and say I love you in front of who ever is nosey enough to listen on. Yet, I was still a little nervous about walking into my son’s school with my partner for the very first time. Expecially knowing that this is her domain. We did recieve our share of looks, but we took it in stride. And those who did actually take the time to talk to us where very polite, very friendly. I can actually say I was plesantly surprised. I can only hope that the acceptance that the teachers at his school has shown carries on through there teaching and we can have an up and coming generation of kids who don’t disriminate, don’t hate, don’t hold prejudice against someone because of the color of their skin, the religion they choice, or who they happen to fall in love with.

Life

It’s not always easy is it? Ok, so maybe when I was younger I actually believed that everything would work out perfectly. The fairy tale dream. I’m a little more jaded and a lot wiser than I was even five years ago. You’d be surprised how much life can be lived in five years.

Now, I know the truth. I know that life isn’t easy. Some days its hard to just put one foot in front of the other. Today is an average day. Not great (I have been sicker than a dog) yet not horrible (my love and I aren’t in an argument yet.) Just average. That’s the thing that they don’t tell you in fairy tales. That there will be good days and bad days. Days that you love and days that you wish you would have stayed in bed.

I know I don’t have it horrible but there are days that I tend to forget that. Its those days that the kids are into everything. I now have a beautiful new crayon drawing on my living room wall. The house should be declared a disaster zone.  I have twenty appointments to get to this week- half of which I will be late to. School work is piling up on my overflowing desk. My love and I are arguing over something that is COMPLETELY stupid- as most of our fights are. My physical therapist is trying to KILL me! I don’t have money for this bill this week and I’m praying my electric/heat/phone/internet (oh dear god, not my internet) doesn’t get shut off. I haven’t had time to sit and write and my head feels like it’s going to  explode. I have no clean underwear because I haven’t had time to do the laundry. I can’t get a hold of any of my friends to just vent to (a.k.a bitch about everything thats NOT going right!) Everything seems out of control! And I am a HUGE control freak. Being out of control is a big deal.

Those are the days that I wonder… Does it get easier? Somewhere along the lines? I am serious. Why does life have to be so hard? I wonder some days if I am the only one struggling day in and day out like this. I know I am not. I am not completely disillusioned. I know that there are people out there that have ten fold the troubles I do. Because even through all the day to day junk that piles up in my life, I know that I am truly blessed in many ways.

I have three beautiful kids- who for the most part are very well behaved. They make me smile when they aren’t making me want to pull my hair out.

I have a woman at home that loves me and would do what ever she could for me. She’s the one person I could tell anything to. My best friend, my lover, my confidant. I would be lost without her.

I have a family that- even though we don’t see eye to eye on things- I know still cares for me. we may be miles apart but I know that we still share a love that even distance can’t come between.

I may only have a handful of friends, but they are the friends that I will keep through out my lifetime. They are the ones that I can call at 2 a.m. to tell some crazy dream I’ve had and they will sit an actually listen.

I have clothes on my back, food in my tummy, and a roof over my head. My kids are taking care of and have what they need to live healthy, productive lives.

I guess everyone has days where they feel like they are up against a wall and nothing is going right. Sometimes, it’s just good to get stuff off of our chest… to just release some anger, tension, weight. It’s just as good for us to remember all the good stuff we really do have in our lives.

SO… I have a project for those of you reading. It’s a two parter so stick with me here. The first part is… I want you to vent. Let it all go! Release your fears, let me know what’s bugging you today or stuff that has in the past. Yell, scream, shout. LET IT OUT!

Then I want you to take a deep breath and think for a moment. After your heart has stopped racing (you know venting gets your heart pumping) tell me how YOU are blessed. What is good and happy about your life? What is it that you cherish the most? Lay it on me.

Please, please, please…. don’t let me be the only one out here feeling like I am drowning instead of treading water. Let me know your good and your bad.